Ripping the bandaid off

I hear this faint beeping sound that quickly gets louder and louder. I suddenly realise its the dreaded alarm clock going off and it brought me out of those really deep sleeps. One minute I was dreaming about taking on an army of ninjas to save the world and then next I am lying in my new home in Romford at 5:00am in the morning! Yep, you read right...5:00am! This is the time Dean gets up to get to work by 7:00. He is sweet to say "I will try and be quiet", but once he is up and I get disturbed by him coming in and out the room a few times then I can't get back to sleep and I may as well get up. 

Also, since I am not working at the moment and Dean is helping me out by not asking for rent money yet, I have taken the role of a bit of a housewife, even making his lunch for him every morning. I know, please don't cringe with worry, ladies. This will not last once I have a job! And again, being the honeymoon stage I don't mind doing it.

I watched this show once called "making couples happy", as it was all about how to make relationships and marriage work, and since I LOVE psychology and what makes people tick it's been one of my favourite shows. In it it talks about people's 'Love Language', which simply means what actions or words shows you that someone loves you. For example, for a lot of woman it would be their man doing chores around the house for them that makes them feel loved, and for a lot of guys it might be their partner doing the washing, cooking dinner for them or just simply having sex with them that makes them feel loved. 

Anyways, while I have the time and can do it I love that I can make lunch for Dean and do chores around the house for him, because It makes Dean feel loved and appreciated (well it better!) and I feel good about making Dean feel that way. I guess his love language to me is his unwavering support and patience while I set my life up here. He never complains about having to pay for stuff, he always supports my ideas in what I want to do for a job, he doesn't have any expectations on what I should be doing with my time while I don't have a job and he never asks "what have you done about getting a job today". He even went to the point of surprising me with an iPad so that I could speak to everyone back home and write my blog easily. I wouldn't have cared if an IPad was worth only $2, it was the reason he gave it to me that just makes me know I am so with the right guy for me. (Sorry, you may need the sick bucket again :S) 

As I sat their on the couch of my new 2nd home in England and watched Dean walk out the door I smiled and tried to keep calm by just gluing myself into a TV show called 'One Tree Hill'. I would let all their drama consume my thoughts so that I didn't have to think about the fact that I was now on my own :S (not the best idea as now I am addicted to the bloody show!).

Well I couldn't procrastinate any further...after 2 hours of silly daytime TV and not being able to handle a 3rd I decided to venture out and explore my new home town. 

As I jumped in the broken shower over bath thingy I realised that while holding the shower head yourself (as the bit to connect it to the wall was broken) might be ok in summer, it's going to be a bitch in winter when it's freezing and you have to keep putting the shower head down to apply soap, shampoo and conditioner.I remember over FaceTime last winter Dean saying how bloody cold this place gets...he said they nicknamed it the 'Icebox'! That says it all doesn't it :S To be honest, at the time he told me I chuckled a little bit picturing him trying to shower when it's negative degrees outside, not thinking that it was going to be me one day.... I don't care how much it cost, I am definitely going to have to fix that before winter! Especially since I also put the shower head down wrong and water went everywhere! Ah well, one of those 'annoying things now, but will be a funny story later' moments. or just straight up funny for you lot reading as it wasn't you ;P Don't you just love how us humans love to laugh at other people's expense... God we are bastards ;P 

I decided to dress really nice and put some effort into my hair, makeup and outfit. It's amazing the effort we can put in when we have ALOT of time on our hands...and are trying to procrastinate venturing into the town centre. I don't know why I was so nervous about it. No one was going to be looking at me. I would just be another of many faces on the street. However, in my head i felt like everyone would be looking at me thinking to themselves "she isnt from here". 

As I walked out the door the adrenaline kicked up about 50 notches! My heart was going and i had tingles all over my body. The funny thing is, I didn't want to get noticed, but by bloody dressing up to the nines made me get bloody noticed! I haven't got ticket on myself, but if you can picture Frankston sort of area, where no one really dresses up, and then someone walks through fully dressed up - you're going to notice them! 

I decided to check out the bank, how to get the Internet and the gyms! By the time I got back to the safty of home and not having achieved anything but going round in circles, I was BUGGERED! The adrenaline had worn off and i could relax...Also, I didn't realise how hard it was going to be getting everything set up and going...the bank said I need a bill or something with my current address on it to open up an account, but then I need a bank account to set up a gym membership or to sign up for the Internet, which if I sign up, I would get something with my address on it! POP! (That was my head exploding). 

I climbed into bed as the thought of having to sort all that out did my head in and I just wanted to switch off. However, as soon as I did there was a knock on the door. It was Dean's Boss's wife's friends (did you follow that? :P). She just moved in next door and wanted to come say hi. She was lovely and we chatted for about an hour. When she left I hit the palm of my hand on my head as I didn't offer her a cup of tea! SHIT! In England it's rude not to offer a drink or a tea when someone pops in...and if its the same in Australia then double crap, as I am not only the worst hostess here in England, but in Oz too! I quickly messaged apologising and, of corse, she was fine with it and told me not to be silly..phew! 

I stared at the door, but nothing...it was 6:01pm and he finished at 6:00, where is he? That was how desperate I was to see Dean. Mostly coz I was bored as I had been watching TV for the past 3 hours and I think my eyes had gone square, but also coz I couldn't wait to see him! 

6:07, he walks in with a massive grin on his face and says "y'alright, baby?". And I was all right. I had overcome my fear of venturing out on my own, and I knew the next time it would get easier and easier, and I was one step closer to setting my life up here in England...even if just a small step ;). 

From one home to the next

You know when you want something so bad that you get really scared that something is going to happen to stop it? It's irrational, but that doesn't stop the horrible dreams about things happening to stop you from getting to where you want to be, or in my case who you want to be with... 

As I opened my eyes on that first morning in England I realised that nothing happened...I was were I wanted to be and who I waited so long to be with...it sounds sopping, and I totally understand if you need a bucket right now, but waking up with Dean after a night out knowing that I never have to wake up without him for more then a month ever again was amazing....event though he did snore and smell a bit like booze (definitely honeymoon faze!). 

After 'sleeping in' until 9:30 (I know, not a sleep in for some!) Dean and I got ready to head down to our second home, Romford. A town just 30 minuet train ride out of London (the second love of my life), which I found out is a lot bigger then little Sandy, and also includes a H&M, Topshop, River Island and Primark! If you don't know what these shops are, then do yourself a favour and google it...or if you're a guy, then hide all devices your ladies can access the Internet, as these shops now sell online :S 

Anyways, Dean and I headed off on the 1.5 hour drive down to Romford. As we nearly got there dean gasps in horror...(oh know what's he done?!) "I don't have the bloody keys for the Romford house!".....oh....fucking....no..... 

So if you haven't done the maths already that is a 3 hour round trip to grab them from the sandy house.... Again, I just laughed.... That's the only thing you can do in those situations I guess.... Dean has done another Dean'o. 

With a quick call to Dean's boss we are in luck! Which always seems to happen with us two... We do some really dumb things, but we always seem to get away with it....knock wood! 

Well we met Dean's boss at this pub in Romford where they were holding a mod meet! :-O Mods in their natural habitat! It was amazing....there were so many scooters there! However, no actual mods as they were all old scruffy men... Well, except for my boy, who always looks smart and rocks the sideburns :) 

After a drink in the sun with Dean's boss and then grabbing some supplies from Tescos we were off to our second home! 

We pulled up to this little house which the English call a Bungalow, which says how small the place was....but a nice small...more cozy then small. Perfect for a couple starting out and it had everything we need. 

Dean had been worried that I wouldn't like it as it was old, small and a little run down. However, I think that it had charm, and to be honest I didn't care where we lived as long as there was a comfy bed, warm water, heating, internet and a TV (Again, ask me how i feel about this in 3 months)! Plus it was only a walk into town which would make it perfect for gym, work, train to London and SHOPPING AT H&M!! Hehe. 

That afternoon Dean and I made amazing burritos and ate them on the floor of our living room while we watched what we later found out was the last set of Wimbledon with Andy Murray and Novak! Dean is so cute how he gets so into a sport and he really feels the emotions that come with it...I just can't seem to get as into it. It think its coz my family and I never had a team we supported and never got to develop those strong feelings for a team where you feel like you are apart of a team and if they lose you feel like you lose... Deans one true love is Spurs, his football (Scoccar) team! He said that when its football season it's really going to show me his dark and crazy side....I might just go to the gym or go to a friends then and leave him to it.... 

Well, as you all know, he won!!! Dean and I jumped up and screamed and did this gay highfived in delight!

I never realised it, but these are the moments I have been looking forward to... Not that I got to enjoy such a life event while eating burritos on the living room floor with my boyfriend, but I got to enjoy it with my bestfriend! 

The thing about Dean and I is that we 'get' each other and have always been able to make each other laugh... I am not with him because I feel I need to have a boyfriend or because I THINK he MIGHT be the guy for me. I am with him because he makes me laugh like no one else, he loves the same activities as me, he is so caring, he is the most modest person I know, he is ambitious, he doesn't follow the crowd, he shares the same morals and values as i do, he is a family man, good with money, he is the most giving person I know, he truly loves me for me and everyone in my life and most of all....he is a massive weirdo, just like me ;P I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing about him.... Even is Dean'os :P 

I think it was also the right timing...when i met Dean the 2nd time i knew who my most authentic self was, i was happy with myself and my life. The 2nd time you ask? yep, thats the crazy thing! You know those English boys Jane and I met in Thailand, well one of those was...you guessed it...Dean! All I remember saying to him was hi when we met in Thailand as I was tired that night and left early. I had a boyfriend then so nothing would have happened anyways, but I am so glad it didn't as I was so different back then (superficial, a little selfish and immature) and I know we wouldn't have worked out. It amazing how timing can have so much to do with things working out... Have you ever had that? Where you feel like you are in the right place at the right time...or that things that happened in your past have brought you to being the person you are and leads you to that someone special or a life changing event like getting that job you didn't know you wanted..... or leading you to living in England with and English boyfriend and experiencing a life you didn't even know you wanted until it happened. I guess that a lot of people do feel that way, as the saying "everything happens for a reason" exists. 

Dean doing the washing up in our Romford kitchen. Well trained eh ;P 

Love at first sight? Well, not quite in our story

December 2010 has to be one of the pinnacles of my life to date I recon. There are not too many moments in your life where everything seems to be going right and you have absolutly no worries or stresses in your life. Usually there is always something that isn't going quite right, and i find it funny that as humans we seem to always hoan in on that one negative thing rather then the many positive things happening to us in that moment. And usually that one negative thing is what I like to call a 'first world problem'. Something that when you really think about it, it's really not that big of a deal. I try to not dramatise things and put things into perspective, but sometimes, like everyone I guess, I get swept up in the stress of everyday life and, I'm not going to lie, I feel a little sorry for myself. Like if you are having a fight with a friend, having a stressful time at work, you don't get those concert tickets you really wanted, you didn't get the house you wanted...well, you get the picture. 

ANYWAYS, back to my pinicle. I was at a time in my life where I was doing well in my job, I was about to move into the house that I had built with two amazing friends, I was with a nice guy who treated me well and I was about to head off on an amazing 3 week holiday to England to visit one of my best friends, JH. Who had been living in England with her now boyfriend, CM, for 18 long months. Haha, I guess that I underestimated the balls my girlfriend had! 

JH had decided that that English boy she met in thailand was just too perfect to give up, so she decided to move to England and see what could happen...and thank god she had the guts to do it, coz they really are perfect for each other. 

When things finally finished up with what I would call a toxic relationship with my ex of 2 years about 5 months before my trip to England my girlfriend, JH, said that there was one of CH's best friends that she thinks would be perfect for me and to PLEASE stay single until then as it could just be a fun holiday fling, but half joking/half seriously said that she highly doubted I would be...I am embarrassed to say, I was really that bad :S 

As she, and everyone else, predicted...I was dating someone by the time England rolled around. God, if you were betting on me for getting in a relationship my odds would be shocking....as I was "a sure thing" as they say. 

It was crazy though, as JH's Mum ended up going to visit her just before I got there as JH had an opporation and needed looking after. While she was there Dean bought a get well card for JH and JH's Mum said after he left that JH should definitely set me up with Dean as we would be a great couple! 

I have known JH's family for over 6 years and I feel like they are my second family, so with JH's mum saying that she thought we would make a great match it meant something, as she really knew me. 

It's crazy how your loved ones just know when someone is right for you... I have had it in the past where my parents haven't liked my boyfriend, or liked them, but not for me. They would never say that they don't like a boyfriend, but you can of course tell by the way they act and what they say, or don't say, after they leave. However, its funny when after you break up they say "We didnt really like him for you anyways". Why didnt anyone tell me this earlier?! haha. I know.... coz i had to find that out for myself. I guess that's how come when my family met Dean for the first time It 100% confirmed that I was onto something pretty bloody great. 

It may have confirmed it straight away when my family met him, however it took me nearly 3 months of friendship before I realised it for the first time.... 

When I finally got to England at 7:00pm on a Saturday night we decided that the only way to beat jetlag was to keep me up until really late so that I would sleep through until morning and wake up and be halfway to being on England time. So, keeping me up until late only meant one thing....we were off to the local pub!! 

As CM didnt want to be the only guy hanging around with two girls that barly drew breath when together, he invited his mates to come around to come with us to the pub.

CM and JH said that I had met Dean before in Thailand, but I could not remember for the life of me...but when he turned up...I still couldn't remember! 

Even though I had a boyfriend at the time I still wanted to make a good impression on all JH and CM's friends, so I was actually a little nervous when I heard the door open and Dean walked in. I don't know what I was expecting, but when he walked in I saw this white, skinny guy with massive sideburns and a bright blue Adidas jacket. I thought the guy from oasis had just walked in the room. Instantly I felt at ease, as he wasn't intimidating at all and greated me with a lovely English "How are ya?". 

As CM didnt want to hang around just JH and I he had wrangled in Dean to hang out with us the whole 3 weeks i was there. since I was going to be spending 3 weeks with this guy I was glad that even though a little shy at first, he seemed nice enough and I didn't fancy him at all, so I wouldn't be all shy and alkward around him.....I could just be myself. 

My arrival in the UK 2010 - I accidentally wrote Mr on my ticket instead of Miss...

One our first (awkward) photos together...

My new home.....our home!

As I took a moment to rest on the bed after getting home from the airport I stared at the ceiling watching this one daddy long legs spider walk from one side to the other wondering to myself "do they have any hunsmans in England?". You probably think i am a weirdo for thinking that, but its those little things that keep throughing me and they get me thinking about how big of a thing it was to move countries. I guess its because i have really thought and delt with the big stuff in my own way, but its those small little things, like what spiders exist or dont exist, that really through you, and even thiugh you hate them in your home country, you miss them when you are in a new one and they arent there. I guess i can relate that to when youre on holidays and you meet someone from your home country; if you were at home you wouldnt even think about saying hi, but if you are abroad you always feel that need to say hi, as they make you feel that tiny bit closer to the comforts and familiarity of home. However, this place is now where I will call home...this room is now my room...this new life is now my life....and I am living with a boy! I don't know which of those was more weirdness a scary!

As I unpacked my many clothes from my bags I realised something...I may have all these clothes, but where the hell am I going to put them all! I had a walk in robe back in Australia that I didn't have to share with anyone, and now I have one small wardrobe that I have to share with Dean....crap! 

Dean must have read my mind as I was thinking this because he said "don't worry, there is heaps of wardrobe space in the house in Romford. We will take most of your stuff there". Thank god! Haha. 

As you can all imagine, dean and I had some quality time together before we decided that because it was such a lovely sunny day and nearly lunchtime we would take some rolls and go down to somewhere they call the RSPB, which is a bird sanctuary with beautiful gardens and a really old house which was built in around 1840. Something you would never get in Australia! 

It was beautiful! It just made smile, as these places are just one of the big reasons why I moved to this country. I love beautiful old estates and gardens. Dean and I always said when we move in together that we would do lots of picnics, so I was thrilled we did it on the first day! 

I bought a new SLR camera before I left and this trip was perfect to test it out! However after a couple of clicks I realised what most camera rookies learn...it's not just the amazing camera that gives you good shots, it's the person handling the camera as well! Next on my list, enrol in a camera course! 

Dean and I decided to feed some little goldfish in the pond in one of the main gardens. Except, in true Dean and I's style, the little goldfish got bigger and bigger until they were the size of a small dog! We were like "awwww, little fishes....holy shit is that some kind of mutated killer fish?!". 

Next we were off to visit Dean's Dad at his shop to say hi before we headed off to our friends house for a cuppa before heading to his Mum's for an early dinner. (Yeah, big day!)

Dean's dad looks like George Clooney, so much so that his nickname is George Clooney! He is lovely too, and since I hadn't communicated with his since a year ago when I was out visiting Dean as he doesn't use Facebook, it was really nice to see him again. 

Dean's Dad's work is in the centre of town which was only a 5-10 min walk from Dean's, correction, our house. The town is tiny and is one of those where all the little shops are privately owned and run. Everyone knows everyone; for example I pretty much said to Dean that he should just walk with his arm in the wave position as it would save him time and effort putting it up and down waving at everyone he knew that drove past. I think he loved that he looked so popular ;P 

We were off to our friends house for the afternoon. I say "our" friends because I befriended SL last year when I was in England and her family, dean and i went out to lunch. We have been Facebook messaging each other ever since! However, meeting for the first time in over a year since we saw each other was kind of nerve racking....i guess the way you feel about a first date! you know..the whole would she like me in person, what if there were awkward silences, what if we just didn't 'vibe' like we did in writing?! Well, I am happy to tell you all that our first date went VERY well! It was such a lovely afternoon. As soon as we opened our mouths SL and I got on like we had been friends forever. Her husband, DL, was so lovely too, but of course he would be since he is one of Dean's best friends. He is a mod like Dean too, so it was so fun seeing Dean immerse himself in mod talk! Which pretty much includes Paul Weller, scooters & sideburns! 

As we left we organised a dinner for the next Saturday, which means i got 'asked out on a secound date' - they liked me, they really liked me!! 

It was weird, I was feeling great, which was amazing since it was 1:00am in the morning in Australia and I had already been up for 12 hours and it was only 4:00pm! 

This was a great thing as we were off to Dean's Mum and BHs' house for dinner with his sister, PC, and some of the rest of the family and some friends. 

It was such a lovely night meeting everyone I hadn't met and having a drink and a catchup and chat. However, about the drink...lets just say I am a LIGHTWEIGHT! You see, in England they are very good at playing hostess, unlike us selfish bastards in oz ;P Whenever they get up for a drink for themselves, they will always ask you if you want a top up aswell. This is such a nice thing and I love how they are so attentive. The onlything I have to work at is; a) not drinking so bloody fast! You see I have ALWAYS drunk really fast...if I have a drink in my hand or I front of me it will be gone in about 2 seconds flat, alcoholic or NOT alcoholic (no, I'm not an alco!). B) saying NO! I don't know if its coz I'm new and hate saying no or what, but that two letter word seems to have escaped my vocabulary since arriving in England. I alway just say "why not". Well...the hangover I had the next day is why not! Haha. 

Well, you know how I said I was feeling great! Lets just say that by 9:30pm that night I was far from feeling great! I thought it was the jet lag...but everyone else there that night would say it was the near whole bottle of wine I drank that made me feel so out of it and tired... Whatever it was, Dean had to take me home to bed not long after 9:30. I was just lucky that going home meant only a walk 5 mins around the corner...you couldn't do that in Australia! You walk everywhere in Dean's town coz everything is so close...that's a good and bad thing - good coz means you don't have to drive and can always have a drink. Bad coz means you don't have to drive and you can always drink.....and end up in my state :S 

I must say I did love how I finally had my boy there to take me home and cuddle up to (or pass out next to). You know when you have had an amazing night out with your friends and you are a little tipsy and love that you can go home and hop into bed with your partner and cuddle feeling loved and thinking to yourself "god I'm glad I have this amazing person to come home to". Well as I was in a long distance relationship I didn't have that at all. That's the thing with LDR's, they are a mix of both being single and being in a relationship. Like when you overlap two circles, one being lifestyles of a person in a relationship and the other being the lifestyle of a single person and the bit where they overlap is what makes up the lifestyle of a person in an LDR....and usually, it's all the shit part from both! You don't get ask to go out on the town with your single friends coz your in a relationship, but then you don't get asked to the couples dinners coz your other half isn't physically present, you have the normal standard everyday couple fights, but you have those lonely Friday and Saturday nights when everyone is on date night. This is all fine, and I am not asking you to get the violins out for me, but I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I might miss the small things, like hunsmans, I am so much more excited and content knowing I now have those little things I missed in Australia, like my boyfriend helping me home after a big night and tucking me into bed! 

* mod - http://www.themodgeneration.co.uk/2009/04/mod-style.html 

rceiling watching this one daddy long legs spider walk from one side to the other wondering to myself "do they have any hunsmans in England?". You probably think i am a weirdo for thinking that, but its those little things that keep throughing me and they get me thinking about how big of a thing it was to move countries. I guess its because i have really thought and delt with the big stuff in my own way, but its those small little things, like what spiders exist or dont exist, that really through you, and even though you hate them in your home country, you miss them when you are in a new one and they arent there. I guess i can relate that to when youre on holidays and you meet someone from your home country; if you were at home you wouldnt even think about saying hi, but if you are abroad you always feel that need to say hi, as they make you feel that tiny bit closer to the comforts and familiarity of home. However, this place is now where I will call home...this room is now my room...this new life is now my life....and I am living with a boy! I don't know which of those was more weirdness a scary!

As I unpacked my many clothes from my bags I realised something...I may have all these clothes, but where the hell am I going to put them all! I had a walk in robe back in Australia that I didn't have to share with anyone, and now I have one small wardrobe that I have to share with Dean....crap! 

Dean must have read my mind as I was thinking this because he said "don't worry, there is heaps of wardrobe space in the house in Romford. We will take most of your stuff there". Thank god! Haha. 

As you can all imagine, dean and I had some quality time together before we decided that because it was such a lovely sunny day and nearly lunchtime we would take some rolls and go down to somewhere they call the RSPB, which is a bird sanctuary with beautiful gardens and a really old house which was built in around the early 1700s. Something you would never get in Australia! 

It was beautiful! It just made smile, as these places are just one of the big reasons why I moved to this country. I love beautiful old estates and gardens. Dean and I always said when we move in together that we would do lots of picnics, so I was thrilled we did it on the first day! 

I bought a new SLR camera before I left and this trip was perfect to test it out! However after a couple of clicks I realised what most camera rookies learn...it's not just the amazing camera that gives you good shots, it's the person handling the camera as well! Next on my list, enrol in a photography course! Dean and I decided to feed some little goldfish in the pond in one of the main gardens. Except, in true Dean and I's style, the little goldfish got bigger and bigger until they were the size of a small bloody dog! We were like "awwww, little fishes....holy shit is that some kind of mutated killer fish?!". 

Next we were off to visit Dean's Dad at his shop to say hi before we headed off to our friends house for a cuppa before heading to his Mum's for an early dinner. (Yeah, big day!)

Dean's dad looks like George Clooney, so much so that his nickname is...... you got it, George Clooney! He is lovely too, and since I hadn't communicated with his since a year ago when I was out visiting Dean as he doesn't use Facebook, it was really nice to see him again. 

Dean's Dad's work is in the centre of town which was only a 5-10 min walk from Dean's, correction, our house. The town is tiny and is one of those where all the little shops are privately owned and run. Everyone knows everyone; for example I pretty much said to Dean that he should just walk with his arm in the wave position as it would save him time and effort putting it up and down waving at everyone he knew that drove past. I think he loved that he looked so popular ;P 

We were off to our friends house for the afternoon. I say "our" friends because I befriended SL and DL last year when I was in England and we all went out to lunch. SL and I Facebook messaging each other ever since! However, meeting for the first time in over a year since we saw each other was kind of nerve racking....i guess the way you feel about a first date! you know..the whole would she like me in person, what if there were awkward silences, what if we just didn't 'vibe' like we did in writing?! Well, I am happy to tell you all that our first date went VERY well! It was such a lovely afternoon. As soon as we opened our mouths SL and I got on like we had been friends forever. Her husband, DL, was so lovely too, but of course he would be since he is one of Dean's best friends. He is a mod like Dean too, so it was so fun seeing Dean immerse himself in mod talk! Which pretty much includes Paul Weller, scooters & sideburns! 

As we left we organised a dinner for the next Saturday, which means i got 'asked out on a secound date' - they liked me, they really liked me!! 

It was weird, I was feeling great, which was amazing since it was 1:00am in the morning in Australia and I had already been up for 12 hours and it was only 4:00pm! 

This was a great thing as we were off to Dean's Mum and BHs' house for dinner with his sister, PC, and some of the rest of the family and some friends. 

It was such a lovely night meeting everyone I hadn't met and having a drink and a catchup and chat. However, about the drink...lets just say I am a LIGHTWEIGHT! You see, in England they are very good at playing hostess, unlike us selfish bastards in oz ;P Whenever they get up for a drink for themselves, they will always ask you if you want a top up aswell. This is such a nice thing and I love how they are so attentive. The only thing I have to work at is; a) not drinking so bloody fast! You see I have ALWAYS drunk really fast...if I have a drink in my hand or in front of me it will be gone in about 2 seconds flat, alcoholic or NOT alcoholic (no, I'm not an alco!). B) saying NO! I don't know if its coz I'm new and hate saying no or what, but that two letter word seems to have escaped my vocabulary since arriving in England. I alway just say "why not". Well...the hangover I had the next day is why not! Haha. 

Well, you know how I said I was feeling great! Lets just say that by 9:30pm that night I was far from feeling great! I thought it was the jet lag...but everyone else there that night would say it was the near whole bottle of wine I drank that made me feel so out of it and tired... Whatever it was, Dean had to take me home to bed not long after 9:30. I was just lucky that going home meant only a walk 5 mins around the corner...you couldn't do that in Australia! You walk everywhere in Dean's town coz everything is so close...that's a good and bad thing - good coz means you don't have to drive and can always have a drink. Bad coz means you don't have to drive and you can always drink.....and end up in my state :S 

I must say I did love how I finally had my boy there to take me home and cuddle up to (or pass out next to). You know when you have had an amazing night out with your friends and you are a little tipsy and love that you can go home and hop into bed with your partner and cuddle feeling loved and thinking to yourself "god I'm glad I have this amazing person to come home to". Well as I was in a long distance relationship I didn't have that at all. That's the thing with LDR's, they are a mix of both being single and being in a relationship. Like when you overlap two circles, one being lifestyles of a person in a relationship and the other being the lifestyle of a single person and the bit where they overlap is what makes up the lifestyle of a person in an LDR....and usually, it's all the shit part from both! You don't get ask to go out on the town with your single friends coz your in a relationship, but then you don't get asked to the couples dinners coz your other half isn't physically present, you have the normal standard everyday couple fights, but you have those lonely Friday and Saturday nights when everyone is on date night. This is all fine, and I am not asking you to get the violins out for me, but I guess what I am trying to say is that even though I might miss the small things, like hunsmans, I am so much more excited and content knowing I now have those little things I missed in Australia, like my boyfriend helping me home after a big night and tucking me into bed! 

* mod - http://www.themodgeneration.co.uk/2009/04/mod-style.html 

To tell you about that I need to tell you about this....

Well after coming back from an amazing time in Thailand it was back to the reality of work, saving for my house and just the in's and out's of everyday life. Everyone can relate to that come down feeling you get when you touchdown at the airport after an amazing holiday and after all the planning and looking forward to it you realise it's over and think to yourself "who the hell sped up time while I was gone?" 

It would be another 2 years until I had another holiday where I left the country, and in those two years I did a lot of finding myself, my confidence and my strength. That was due to just plain growing up (some might dispute that this has happened) and, well, a lot of relationships....When a boyfriend and I would breakup my girlfriends would say "now beth, DON'T have a boyfriend for a while, just take some you time" and it seemed like as soon as they said that I would find a boy and start dating him....  I have always been one of those girls that was a bit lost and didn't know who they were or what they wanted, in life and with men. I admire those people, like my brother, who know exactly who they are and what they want. They wouldn't date many girls because they knew what they wanted in a partner and so if a girl didn't have those traits or qualities then they wouldn't bother. I was very different. I don't know if it was just because I was the youngest of four and so I was always around people and so I felt I always needed to have someone there, but I ALWAYS had a boyfriend. I was very independent within the relationship and some would say "i would only bring them out the cupboard when it suited me", but in my head it was like i needed a boyfriend to feel socially accepted and like i belonged. Now i look back on it i realise this could have been because when i was sick i felt so socially discarded for looking different and acting different, that when i was on the mend i just wanted to do anything to feel like i was 'normal' and accepted by society again. Don't get me wrong, I liked all the boys I dated, but with the combination of not knowing what I wanted in a guy, me not knowing who I was and me feeling the need to always have someone there, I would just jump into relationships without a second thought...and then after 3 months I would know they were the wrong guy for me and I would become miserable and then after a few more months of an unhappy relationship we would finally break up. Most of the guys were lovely, but it was just that after a couple of months and the 'honeymoon' period had worn off, I realised i didn't love them for who they were and I would always catch myself thinking i would love to change things about them...and you can't be with someone if you want to change them...i believe you have to love all of them (well the core of who they are) and accept and love them for who they really are. My problem was, I didn't know who I was and so how could I know what I wanted in a guy?! However, after every relationship I would get closer to knowing what I wanted in a guy.......and what I didn't. 

With the combination of plain maturing through my early to mid twenties, going through some hard relationships that made me really think about myself and (i think the biggest thing) gaining some amazing girlfriends that taught and showed me how to have confidence within myself and just be who i was instead of what I thought i had to be, I finally knew who I was and grew confident within myself.....but i still didn't have a clue about boys and love.... Straight on from a painful 2 year relationship were I learnt a lot about myself I thougt i knew what I wanted in a guy, but it took another relationship to learn that even though a guy can be so close to being what you wanted because he was good on paper, that's not close enough. 

I think my biggest problem was that I didn't know what love was... Everyone kept saying to me "you will know when you know"....what the fuck kind of statement was that? "I will know when I know".... But how do I know how "knowing it" feels like?! I liked all these guys...was that love? People say love is hard, but then others say its easy! There are so many conflicting offers of advise out there that I would always become more confused about love then when I was 12 years old and used to see people kiss on TV and wonder why on earth the girl wanted to kiss the guy and get boy germs! To be completely honest, I think I would have easily fallen into a marriage with a guy that wasn't 100% right for me, as I was looking for the guy for me in the wrong places, the wrong type of guy for me and when i fell for a guy, i really thought that was love and that the hard times were just normal and not being 100% happy was normal...as i didnt know any different. However, that all changed in December of 2012....and you know what I found out? I still didn't bloody well know when I knew ;P 

From 'G'day' to 'You alright'

I'm sitting here 5 days in from getting here on my couch realising that I better start writing down things about the first week I have been here, as I am doing so much that its only wednesday, but Saturday feels so long ago and I'm starting to forget the feelings I felt when I got here, and since I will want to remember those feelings, and I have plenty of time up my sleeves, I thought why not start now. 

I look up at the desk of the Australian border security counter and i hear a friendly "G'day, where are you off to and for how long?". As the words come out of my mouth it hits me "i am off to England to live for 4-5 years". Wow, I am really doing this...after a year and a half of talking about it I am actually doing it! Crazy.... I wasn't sad though, I was a bit nervous and SO excited and grateful that I have the chance to do someone like this...as many don't. At that moment in time I could just be excited about this adventure because I knew I would meet my parents in England at the end of the month, it is the start of Dean and I's real relationship so I could pretend that we would have no fights and it would be easy, no one knew me so I could be a better version of myself form now one, I could pretend that finding a job and making friends would be easy... In that moment I decided to be a little ignorant and let myself just be excited. 

I met a beautiful couple I met on the plane, LC (girl)& AC (boy). They sat next to me for the long 14 hour leg (poor things) and were coming back from their honeymoon in Borneo (lucky things!). You know when you're sitting next to someone on the plane and you get that awkwardness about do I say hi to them or do I put my earphones in or pretend I'm asleep until the plane has taken off and they have their tv headphone on. Well, I have come to be one of those annoying people who will talk to you and say hi, I just love hearing about people's lives and how they got to being in the plane seat next to me. However, I also know the none verbal signs that tell me to fuck off...including them putting their earphones in or falling asleep! Haha. Well I was lucky this time as LC, AC and I hit it off straight away as we shared the same humour. Which lucky for me is the really dry English humour where you just take the piss out of each other. Louise and I also shared another major thing in common; we are both as mad as each other as she moved over to England from Canada around 10 years ago and fell in love with a Pom. 

At the end of the flight we shared contact details and said we would definitely catch up in England. 

I have just got my phone sorted and have messaged LC since and we have organised a catch up next month. Dean couldn't believe I had made friends already...and neither could I! 

Do you ever find that when you walk through the gates at an airport and you see all these people staring at you you get a little weirded out and you don't know where to look? You want to look for the people that have come to collect you, but at the same time you just want to sneak off to the side as quick as possible. As I scurried off to the side hoping that dean saw me I spot that cheeky grin I love so much... Even though it hasn't even been a week since I saw him I get that rush of excitement and turn all giddy. "You alright" he says to me sounding just as excited. We were like giddy teenagers looking at each other knowing that we were finally here...after 1.5 long years we could finally be a real couple and start our lives together. And what happened next pretty much sets out what our life will be together. 

Firstly Dean couldn't remember where he parked the car, so we had to stop on every level of the multilevel carpark, and when we stopped at level 3 he stepped out and then, before i could stop them, suddenly the doors closed and I went up to level four faintly hearing him saying "stop, where the hell are you going?". I decided that waiting for him to find me would be best, so i waited at level 4 giggling to myself. As the doors opened I saw his face giving me that look I love so much, the one with the side smile with his head tilted down looking up at me trying to hold back a laugh, just shaking his head saying "there you are". 

When we finally found the car and managed to stuff all 50kgs worth of suitcases in the car we were ready to set off! Well, that was until we realised we forgot to pay for the bloody parking! I could say that this all happened coz we were distracted by being so excited, but no, this is just an example of Dean and I's relationship! At least we will always laugh, or kill, each other :P Dean and I keep saying that it will be one of those things we laugh at now, but will hate later on once the honeymoon stage wares off - I guess we will see! I am going to really try to just not let the little things getting to me and just laugh about it, coz Dean is an amazing guy who treats me so well, but no one is perfect... And I wouldn't want him to be and neither am i! I'm far from it. Someone once told me that those little things that start to annoy you about your partners personality you should just accept and find a way to work around them instead of trying to change it, as it will only cause resentment, tension and stress between you both. And if those little things are worst things i have to worry about in the relationship I'm a pretty bloody lucky girl!!!  Again, no doubt Dean will mark this entry as one to show me mid fight ;P 

Talking about a fight...we nearly didn't get together because of an infamous fight we had the trip we got to know each other! 

Who knew that this holiday would be the catalyst for a domino effect of big changes in so many people's lives...

It amazes me how just one tiny thought or idea can be the start of something that changes the shape of your life forever... 

I wouldn't call myself book smart at all... I worked really hard in years 11 and 12 and still only got a mediocre result, and that was only because I took VCE French, which is a markup subject. However, i am good with money and I sure am driven...it might take me a while to figure out what I want in different areas of my life, but when I do I stop at nothing to make sure I get it. 

For example I only had not even size A cup breasts when i was 19, maybe because when I went through my anorexia when I was younger I didn't get a period for a long time and so didnt develop fully, or maybe because i was just 'blessed' with mosquito bites for breasts....im talking about not even a handful people! It might be vain and superficial, but i didnt feel like a real woman and felt uncomfortable being so flat chested, so after thinking seriously about implants for a year I decided it was what I wanted, so at the age of 20 I decided that is what I was going to do. My Mum and Dad said that if I really wanted them then I would have to do it all on my own, I would have to do all the research and I would have to pay for them on my own. Well, only after a couple of months I had worked it all out and I went to them with my case. I knew where to go for the surgery and I would get a loan that I would pay off over then next year, which I did. 

Another example is I tried university to study as a nurse, but dropped out, then tried health science, but dropped out as well...I think it was a combination of both degrees not actually being what I wanted and because I had a hard time keeping up as i just didnt get the content, so I didn't get the best marks in either exams or assignments. Whatever it was, I was definitely not good at university and never completed a degree. However, at the age of 21 I decided that I wanted a house and to own it completly on my own without any financial assistance from anyone.....By age 24 I owned a 4 bedroom house that I currently rent out. 

Thailand was another one of those things that I had decided on and there was no way of stopping me from going there in the January of 2010. Convincing one of my bests friends, JH, that I would plan it all and would make sure it would come in under $3000 for everything including spending money, she was on board... 

It was the first time either of us had travelled without our parents before, so as we were leaving our parents were fussing over us, as loving parents do. As they said goodbye to us that morning all worried and nervous we both smile and said see ya later all carefree and excited for our first big trip as adults! Let the dancing, drinking, sunbaking and massages begin! 

Everyone knows that travelling with someone you haven't travelled with can be risky when its just two of you, especially for girls! You might want to do different things or both have PMS and be bitchy towards each other....well I am extremely happy to say that there was none of this with JH and I! I know, amazing eh?! We both just went with the flow, had a laugh, relaxed and went site seeing everyday and then partied all night meeting new people, dancing and making absolute fools of ourselves with silly dancing, drunkenly playing board games with new friends and once even befriended the owner of a club and started promoting for the place...until we got bored of it 10 minuets later. 

We would always start our nights with a Long Island iced tea and finish it by holding each other up as we walked Bangalore rd to get home. 

It got to our second last night of Thailand and we had had enough of going out and felt like staying in, except we pre bought some all you can drinks passes to the night club just in front of our hotel, so we decided we would go there for an hour and then just come back and have an early one. Because we weren't into it we decided to have a Long Island iced tea and get in the mood by dancing really stupid and making ourselves have a laugh. As we were doing some pretty hot 60 and 80s dance moves we both see some guys looking at us laughing. 

Well I won't go into what happened next as its not my story to tell....but what I will say is that those boys that were laughing were English and JH ended up being smittened with one of them..... 

The next day was a big day for me, I was getting my tattoo! I had thought about it for ages, and doing what I always do, once I had decided I was getting it in Thailand there was no stopping me...not even hepatitis B risk! :S nah, I checked it was a good one ;P. 

I decided to get "life is what you make it" because no matter where I am or who I am I can always refer to it. It's also something that got me through my anorexia.... When I was sick I always wished that I had my old life which included heaps of close friends, people loving being around me, enjoying things that other 'normal' people looked forward to like going out with friends or even going on holidays... You see, as much as I wanted to do these things I would be paralysed by the fear of what food would be there and what I would have to eat...so I avoided going to events and pretty much lived as a hermit. However, my turning point was when I hit rock bottom and, as much as i really really hate writing this, i tried to harm myself by taking too many pills... not to commit suicide, but as a cry for help...i was that desperate to stop feeling the way i did and for someone to help me stop just thinking none stop about food and get rid of the emptyness and pain i was feeling... 

My parents, friends and siblings were already doing everything they could to help me and were just amazing, but after that horrible experience I realised that no one was going to be able to help me if i didnt help myself, as I was the one getting in my own way of what I wanted and who I wanted to be... It was not anyone else's job to help me, it was only me that could help myself.... Why was food so important that it made me loose everything else?  It was at that point I realised I could stay being obsessed about food and having no life or friends, or I could give up the obsession and get my life and friends back... It was up to me because "life is what YOU make it"...

Whoever says tattoos aren't painful is full of shit! I swear I almost squeezed JH's hand off. And a tattoo that was meant to take 45 mins took an hour and a half coz I kept asking him to stop....lets just say that was my first and will be my only tattoo! 

However it wasn't just a big day for me, my little JH was off to see the Englishman she met from the night before.... Again not going into someone else's story, let's just say when I saw her eyes glisten with excitement when she met me after her date I knew something special had begun....just a pitty he lived in England, as realistically it could never workout...could it? 

My tattoo from Thailand. Meant to be a leafy vine going through the words, but I think the dodgyness adds to the authenticity of the Thailand tattoo ;P